Gaining perspective – managing your own well-being

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I (as are all of you I am sure) have been on a bit of a rollercoaster for the last few weeks and now with the beginning of the perceived end in sight we must start to make new preparations for the next hurdle. New preparations to return to life outside of lock down – which is being said to no longer be the life as we knew it previously. We are being asked to adapt. However, the challenge is that we do not know what exactly we need to adapt to. Uncertainty is rife with regards to how things are going to change.

Thinking back to the beginning of this journey, I remember the 1st day when I heard that people were working from home and required to start social distancing. Logically our offices stocked up on sanitizer and we began following stricter hygiene protocols, adjusting client interactions to virtual platforms wherever possible and avoiding close proximity with each other.

Back then it was hard for me to imagine what we would be experiencing now. My first thought was not that we would all be required to work remotely, or that we would have to limit our excursions to the shops, or that some forms of business would halt. Least of all did I consider that we would have restrictions that told us what was considered essential and non-essential items to buy. After the shock of all the changes, I started to tap into what positive impact I could have despite the new ways of working. I saw the opportunity to have a positive impact during this crisis by assisting and supporting my clients through the nature of my work.

So, as an Industrial Psychologist, I was able to utilise various psychological concepts to prepare my clients for what they would be experiencing. Individual well-being became one of the key considerations for my family, friends, my colleagues & clients, my connections and myself.

“What is well-being?” you may ask. Truly it is a multi-faceted concept, and in my opinion is defined differently per person. What would make me feel well would differ to that of what my colleagues required to feel well. But at the core of wellness, one would need to have a sense of being able to manage the different elements in their life.

I say manage, rather than control because as the below exercise demonstrates – we are rarely in control of the different factors in our life. Rather, we learn to manage or influence what we can, with the aim of influencing the situation towards a more positive outcome.

I have been encouraging clients to follow the below exercise to keep everything in perspective, and to assist them to keep their well-being in the green and not the red. The exercise was developed by Stephen Covey and aims to help individuals to realise that they have more power than they believe over things than they know, but also that they have to let go of things that they cannot control or cannot influence.

Step 1: Identify your fears, negative thoughts, anxieties, and major concerns

We start the exercise by compiling a list of your concerns, your worries, the thoughts that keep you up at night, or the thoughts that distract you during your day:

Draw a large circle on a piece of paper. Your list of concerns falls within this outer circle – Your circle of concern:

Step 2: Ask yourself what you are afraid will happen

The next step in the exercise is to review your list of concerns and challenge your thinking by asking some critical questions:

▪ Are you predicting a negative outcome?
▪ Do you doubt your ability to cope with disappointment? ▪ Are you anticipating failure?

Step 3: Consider what you can and can’t control

With these reflections in mind, we consider what is realistically in your control. We draw a circle inside of the previous circle. This is your circle of control.

When you explore your circle of concern, you’ll find that some of the concerns can go straight into the Circle of Control.

Reviewing your lists, are there elements that you were not able to move to the circle of control? Do not be alarmed, at this point you need to reflect that many elements may be out of your direct control. Some elements that concern you may be elements that other people have to manage. You need to now consider leaving those elements (they will fall into someone else’s circle of control), or relooking at your list to consider what you do have influence over – i.e. what changes in your approach or behaviour could impact on the outcome of some elements?

E.g. could you establish a more conducive relationship with the client that seems to have irrational requests – with the aim of getting to the root cause of these requests?

Step 4 – The Circle of Influence

This leads us to the next circle. Draw another circle in between the first two – between the circles of Concern and Control. This is the Circle of Influence.

Go through your lists that are in the Circle of Concern and try to move them into the Circle of Influence. When you are able to influence elements or situations, you are able to take action to change these.

Step 5 – Start Managing Your Situation

Working within your circle of Influence, you can start to develop an action plan. Having an action plan helps you to start managing your situation and gives you a greater sense of power over your situation. Feelings of helpless now become feelings of potential impact.

Remember – You can manage how you react

You may not be able to prevent difficult situations, but you can prepare for them – you can manage how you react. When we realise what we can control or influence and what we are not able to control – we can develop strategies to improve the areas in our influence.

Throughout this exercise, you are being asked to differentiate between ruminating and problem- solving.

Wasting time on situations that you are not able to control or influence is not healthy or productive. But solving a problem is.

Ask yourself whether your thinking is productive.

If you are actively solving a problem, keep working on solutions. If you are ruminating take a step back to reflect and work through this exercise to realign your thinking.